The Alpha

Welcome to my world, I'm so excited to share it with you!

So, where do we begin? I guess this would normally be my interview moment. I tell you different things about Dave. My talents. My ideals. My passions. My mission. My idiosyncrasies. However, I can assume that since you are reading this, you either know me well, or know somebody else who knows me well. If you're a complete stranger, then, well, you should run while you still can. Those who have chosen to remain have lived to regret it considerably. In fact, there are several support groups that you may want to consider. Regardless, I'll give you the Cliff's Notes version of me.

In a word, “Awesome!” That's about all that you really need to know. If you require two words, I'll give you “Tennis” and “Hamster.” They don't relate to me at all, but they are two words that I will just let you have, free of charge. Give people stuff for free, that's my motto. That's how you make friends. While I'm in such a giving spirit, I'll give you a word of advice, no, sixteen words of advice; “That which is free has no worth, but that which is worthless, is sold at WalMart.” Uh, oh! W-bomb! Who am I to blast WalMart, though, seriously? I live in Ohio. There are more WalMarts than there are hospitals...and that is saying something. Something WalMarty. Something Socialisty? Maybe...I'll have to look into it and get back to you.

Also, I make up facts.

After the awkward introductions (I expect a 3-page, typed, double-spaced essay about you, my reader), it's time for cupcakes and hugs. I don't have any of either. Sorry, I'll have to run to WalMart after this. Anyway, here is a brief list of things that you can't buy at WalMart.

• Viking Helmets
• Tray Tables
• Chuck Norris Collectible Mugs (Sold Out)
• Shirts Depicting Child Heroes of the Industrial Revolution

This single fact ruined my Christmas 2009 shopping experience. I had to improvise. It didn't go well.

Okay, on to the business at hand, or, as the saying goes, “On to the business at hand.”

I'm going to Europe! Yes, Europe. The incredible generosity of my brothers and their families made the dream a reality! Lauren and her family also contributed greatly! I have much for which to be thankful! Here is a brief list of other things for which I am thankful:

• Protein Powder
• Bubbling Brooks
• George Foreman Grills
• Inspirational Posters Depicting Kittens
• Burt Reynolds' Mustache
• Inspirational Posters Depicting Burt Reynolds' Mustache

Anyway, back to Europe. It's crazy! I will be leaving the day after Easter. Here is the basic itinerary:

• Spain - 2 stops, or, dos stoppos
• Austria - 1 classical stop
• Germany - 1 stop, or eins stoppich
• Czech Republic - 1 stop
• Italy - 1 or 2 pasta-a-plenty stops
• Greece - 1 philosophical stop, 1 or 2 others
• France - 1, or un, cosmopolitan stop, 1 stop for our nation's heroes
• Great Britain - 1 stop, pip pip cheerio

Then it's back home to share pictures, stories, and presents. And cupcakes, leftover from today. Just under a month will be dedicated to this journey of a lifetime. With a quarter of my life accounted for, I'm overwhelmed by the sheer incredible-ness of it all! I'm whelmed by Sudoku puzzles. And I'm underwhelmed by microwaveable cooking.

Here's the best part: You get to come along for the ride! Yes, you get to be a part of the adventure. You want to know how? No? Doesn't matter. I'm telling you anyway. And, you're grounded for talking back. Here's how: I will be posting on my blog, this thing you're reading right now, as much as possible. The only downside is that I won't be bringing my laptop, Leonard The Lion-Heart, along. So, I won't be posting any pictures until I am back. Also, I have a Twitter. My name is AlphaChomega. Here's the link, ya lazy bums! http://twitter.com/AlphaChomega

And the best news of all? McDonald's has their Filet-O-Fish deal back again, just in time for Lent! Ah, Lent, the time when Catholics give up important things, just like how Mr. Jesus gave up his important life. Things like candy, pop, and fast food...oh...sorry, McD's. And sorry, Jesus.

I have already accomplished many things for the trip, but still there are more that need some doing. Here is a brief list of things I have accomplished:

• Setting Up The Blog
• Setting Up The Twitter
• Getting My Passport
• 
• Ordering My Eurail Pass
• Setting An Itinerary
• Brushing Up On Spanish And German, Notably, The Cuss Words
• Starting To Learn French, Notably, The Cuss Words
• Obtaining My International Permit To Carry These Guns!
• 
• Stroking The Ego
• Making Many Not-So-Important Lists
• Building The Coolest Lego Castle Ever, Without Anybody's Help, No Matter What Chris Says. Chris Is A Filthy Liar.

I didn't make a list of things I have yet to do. I don't like to focus on things like that. That's negative thinking. I'm positive of it. Regardless, here is a brief list of things, other than my National Chompoon's European Davecation, that you can expect from my blog:

• Footage And Play-By-Play As I Train For The Warrior Dash - Midwest
• Insights On Health, Wellness, and Fitness
• Insights On Things That Make Me Happy And Things That Piss Me Off
• Reviews Of Books, Movies, Foods, Carpets, Crayons, Gadgets, Lots!
• Tips On Needleworking Projects
• Other Crap You Probably Don't Need To Waste Your Time Reading, And Trust Me, I Know Time-Wasting Crap When I See It:

<-References

So, there you have it. No, please, have it. I'm sick of this already. Thank you for your time. There's a tip jar on the counter. And a sick bag under your seat.

The next post?

Going America All Over Everybody's A$$es!